i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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