Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you never un-have a 4some
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
