soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is Oprah even human
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
