My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just had sex bonerless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
