Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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