im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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