i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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