WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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