And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
