just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
