he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
