the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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