do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
