Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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