Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
