In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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