Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
