I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
