The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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