I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
