Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
