can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
3 2 1 whiskey
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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