Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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