Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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