i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
