there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
