as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
