the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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