she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
