Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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