my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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