We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
