I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
