Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
