We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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