Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
