I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
