just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
