did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
