Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
