I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
