You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
