Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
