There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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