why didn't you poke me back
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
