Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
