tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
