My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
