I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
