have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
