Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
