PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
