so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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