I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
