party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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